---
tags: ["talk"]
date: '2023-06-06'
title: 'Steps'
---
Today was a short and slow day.

Things are doing alright but I always have the feeling I'm not doing my best, even if I also know I should get myself more time to rest.

My back hurts sometimes. I guess mom was right when she said I was "destroying my body", though it is too late to tell her she was right.

A lot of things hurt nowadays, it's strange, I would have guessed I would be okay at least until 35, seems time has got to me faster than I could imagine, even if I really never did much to hurt my own body.

I always thought I was at least caring about myself in a "good enough" way. Since I'm not really fat, I like to walk, I don't eat fried stuff everyday, normally I'm very peaceful.

A thought that got into me today came from an interview with an Argentinian politician(?)(Politologo) that I have been following for a while. He spoke about how he learned about being clear about what he actually wanted made him stop caring about money. Because money became a method for doing the stuff that he wanted to do intead of becoming the end goal.

So I asked myself, what is it that I want to do?

In those moments I remember that I have always said that I want a family, but that's kind of open ended isn't it?

Like, does that mean a girlfriend, does that mean more friends, does that means a dog?

It's pretty open but I have never been very certain about that kind of feelings, I really just miss the way a family works, where you have trust, respect and understanding.