post

content/posts/2025/11/finding/index.md

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+---
+title: "Meaning"
+date: 2025-11-26
+tags: ["talk"]
+---
+Today I was reading one of the books I have from my backlog.
+I kept skipping over dialogue, which is never a good sign. Do people normally skip things like this?
+
+What is the whole deal with "Reading fast"? Like we need to "Get rid" of the book you're reading, I thought we were supposed to enjoy the process of reading. But perhaps many use these as a kind of medal.
+
+"I have read a thousand manga." Perhaps seems impressive in otaku circles but if you can't remember anything from them why did you read them in the first place?
+
+I do try to not behave like this with my books. I think they each can tell a story but...
+
+![](featured.jpeg)

content/posts/2026/nostalgia/index.md

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+---
+title: "Nostalgia"
+date: 2026-01-14
+tags: ["talk"]
+---
+Last post of last year went up unfinished, I even forgot what I was writing back then so i just gave up.
+
+This year there isn't much luck either, I went back to nostalgia for a moment.
+
+I found a bunch of old songs from my childhood I used to listen to a lot. I can vividly remember some of the times I felt "weird" for listening to them. I'm not sure if I was bullied, which is a good sign. I know some people who were. And I tend think of myself as "Normalish" or not insane at least.
+
+![](feature.webp)
+
+Were the things I used to think and do "Edgy"? Are the things I do right now different from back then?
+
+Sometimes I am completely lost in what feels like a downward spiral. Did I lose my time? Did my life got destroyed? I have no idea. Sometimes I don't want to think about it. 
+During those times, even enjoying things feels like a chore.
+
+I can watch from the 3rd person as I force myself to smile after I think to myself "Am I smiling?". Perhaps if I was in a better mental situation I would just naturally smile and not have to think about it.