---
title: "Nostalgia"
date: 2026-01-14
tags: ["talk"]
---
Last post of last year went up unfinished, I even forgot what I was writing back then so i just gave up.

This year there isn't much luck either, I went back to nostalgia for a moment.

I found a bunch of old songs from my childhood I used to listen to a lot. I can vividly remember some of the times I felt "weird" for listening to them. I'm not sure if I was bullied, which is a good sign. I know some people who were. And I tend think of myself as "Normalish" or not insane at least.

![](feature.webp)

Were the things I used to think and do "Edgy"? Are the things I do right now different from back then?

Sometimes I am completely lost in what feels like a downward spiral. Did I lose my time? Did my life got destroyed? I have no idea. Sometimes I don't want to think about it. 
During those times, even enjoying things feels like a chore.

I can watch from the 3rd person as I force myself to smile after I think to myself "Am I smiling?". Perhaps if I was in a better mental situation I would just naturally smile and not have to think about it.